I’ve been working on this post for a LONG time. Like, two months! It took me dozens of hours and multiple journal pages to figure out exactly what I was feeling, and now that I have, I’m so ready to get it out!
As you may have noticed, I haven’t blogged in quite a while. Have you ever fallen behind in a class or started lagging on a craft project and found it incredibly difficult to pick up where you left off? That’s where I’m at.
That doesn’t mean I haven’t been thinking about my blog. On the contrary, I’ve probably spent more time thinking about it than I did when I was posting! But something has been keeping me from hitting “Publish.”
I hate to admit it, but if I’m honest with myself I know that my creative block is coming from one simple feeling: fear.
You may not know this, but my blog began as a kickstarter campaign on a crowdfunding site called IndieGoGo. I raised more than $1,700 – an unimaginable amount to me at the time. In fact, I’d only planned to ask for $800, but my parents urged me to think bigger. And I not only reached my goal, but I exceeded it.
For so long I had been telling myself that I’d be lucky to find work as a writer, creative writing was an indulgent side project, creativity wasn’t valued in the workplace, etc. But my fundraising success taught me a huge lesson: When I ask for help in pursuit of my dreams, the universe gives me what I need.
My work resonated with people and they wanted to see me succeed. They wanted to help me succeed. They believed in me so much that they wanted to give me money to make my dream come true. And all I had to do was ask.
For the first few months after my campaign, I rocked it – posting every week (sometimes more than once) and wholeheartedly embracing blogging as my art. But then things started to change. The paleo world I’d jumped into began to feel restrictive. I noticed myself making choices not because they felt right, but because being “paleo” had become part of my identity.
I began feeling more and more conflicted when the things I was interested in – yoga, body positivity, spirituality – didn’t align with the blog personality I had created.
Mostly I felt like because I had worked so hard to build a community, and I’d “promised” certain things to my fundraising supporters, I would be a) giving up on a huge opportunity, and b) letting a lot of people down if I decided to change directions.
The ironic thing is, by letting these thoughts prevent me from posting for three months, I made my worst fear come true!
I was letting my audience rather than my intuition guide me, even though I deeply believe that authenticity is the key to success. I’ve observed it countless times in my own life, but my attachment to the “shiny objects” of money and followers was completely stifling my creativity and preventing me from following my passion.
So where do I go from here and what does this mean for Gracefully Primal?
Well, in practical terms, it means I’ll be taking more time to share my thoughts about the experiences that are shaping me in this moment, rather than saving them for my personal journal or struggling to find ways to “paleo-fy” them.
Right now for example, I’m traveling in India for a 4-week yoga teacher training program and it’s COMPLETELY CHANGING MY LIFE! I would be heartbroken to let this month pass without sharing my experiences with you, so get ready to hear more about it in the coming weeks.
I’ve also been on a HUGE journey of body acceptance and have been undergoing some pretty significant body image work over the last 3 months. I finally feel secure enough to write about this topic and I’m looking forward to sharing what I’m learning. So that’s on the docket, too!
Lastly, my identity as a creative entrepreneur has become a much larger part of my life since my blog began, and I’m just brimming with blog topics and journal entries about my experience stepping into it. I would LOVE to post about what this has meant for my professional life and my spiritual life, too.
So in the “big picture” sense, Gracefully Primal will be making a shift from a [FOOD and lifestyle blog] to more of a [food and LIFESTYLE blog], if that makes sense. My posts will continue to fall under the “primal living” umbrella, but the connection may be less direct.
But don’t worry, the paleo recipes aren’t going anywhere! My passion for food has certainly not left me :).
Thank you all for sticking with me through this transition. This blog has made you my silent support team and for that I am very grateful. You’ve impacted my life more than you know.